Wandering Son, in a way, hits close to home.

I like Wandering Son, but it’s slow watching. Some of it is just so painful for me

To be clear, while I don’t know what it is, I’m positive I do not have a gender identity disorder. I’d like to believe with all the disorders I do have, not all the quirks with me are disorders. But I’m not very feminine. I have a mostly masculine personality in a female body, and have never been comfortable being in a female body. In late elementary and middle school, I was downright resentful of my body.

I don’t feel like I was born in the wrong body. However, even I when I was young, I was well aware that society expectations for a girl were much different then a boy, and that when the day came that I had to be a girl, things would change dramatically. See, it’s more then liking girls’ things or boys’ things. I happened to have a loud take charge personality and other traits much more often seen with boys then girls. But where I live in America, people don’t deal with either a girl or a boy not acting as expected (as we see in Wandering Son, although it addresses Japan). If I were a boy, I would be a lot more acceptable. But I know I’m a girl. I’m just not 100% happy with it.

When I was younger, my stunt was to look as boyish as possible. It worked as a charm. My parents didn’t give me an asexual name, but I fooled many a person, as many youngins do. I couldn’t be happier. I only wished to be able to hide as a boy forever. When we started learning about puberty in school, my only question to my mom was if I would be able to have a flat chest and not have curves. She told me she couldn’t promise anything, but family genetics dictated that would probably be the case.

Oh course, I always got the freak genetics. The fact that I even had budding boobs in the spring stunned my fourth grade class. A fifth grade boy tried to sneak up to grab me in the library, and was shocked when his hands sunk around me waist. I went through a few years of being fugly, until I settled in a hot body. I hated every minute of it. I resisted wearing a bra, shaving, wearing one piece suits, trying to deny that I wasn’t turning into women. This wasn’t happening to me.

 

I wanted out of that body so bad. I wanted to destroy it, to stop it. I tried to do some crazy things, but they were too painful. Finally, I had to give in a let it happen. I moved on to sports bras, and then to a more typical bra as I continued to grow and found myself needing a lot of support. I finally bought a two piece swimsuit the summer I was 16. Slowly, I accepted it.

Even today, I’m not one of those women who embrace their femininity or whatever you call it. Every once in awhile I actually like dressing up, and I do if I have to….but my attire of choice is a t-shirt and jeans. I’m always make-up free. It’s just not me I guess. It’s a good thing I’m dating someone who’s okay with that.

But I do enjoy being sexy, and when I choose so, looking great. And I know I’ll never understand Yoshino, except that she’ll never reach the point of being okay with her body that I am. But I do remember the contempt and hate I felt back in. And it all comes rushing back when I see the pain Yoshino is in.

7 Comments

Filed under Pointless Rant, Real Life, Wandering Son

7 responses to “Wandering Son, in a way, hits close to home.

  1. I always wonder just how many of the most devoted fans of this series felt similar experiences. I’ve had my own share of problems in this field, and had such a horrible headache over everything until I met a friend in the same shoes. Thing happened and since then I decided to just toss “gender” out the window—
    Pft, if only it were actually that easy… you’re probably further on the ‘accepting’ part than I am, darn >.<
    Nice share~

    • It helps a lot that I have people who accept me and I can talk to, mainly my boyfriend and my mom. Without that, I don’t think I’d be nearly as well adjusted.

  2. ojisan

    ‘Masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ are mostly between your ears, not your legs – that’s what I see in Wandering Son, and that’s what I see in most of us alive today – it’s a great show. The time drags between each episode’s arrival.

    That’s a pretty cool & brave post –

  3. If you are enjoying this show, I highly recommend checking out the manga as well. Things seem very clear-cut right now (and did at this point in the manga) but since then Takatsuki’s feelings about her femininity and gender role have become much more unclear. Whereas Shuu still feels as strongly in the most recent chapters about his gender dysphoria, Takatsuki has become a real enigma and we have no idea where she is going to end up.

    That said the manga moves almost slower at times than the anime, but at least if you are fast you can breeze through some of the lighter chapters.

  4. Yi

    While I know this is a great anime, I’ve been avoiding this series because it just seems like it will be too heavy for what I’m looking for right now…

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