Illness Can Really Destroy Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence is a strange thing. Everything has been going really well in college, I’m getting good grades, been super involved, making friends, maintaining my “secret” otaku lifestyle (everyone knows I’m one, just not to what extent) and feeling like a super women.

And then Tuesday hit. What started as a small pain in my spine became a full-blown migraine. The next day, I’d run out of immitrex, and it was still going strong. I had to go to the ER.

A little background on me. It’s been finally discover that I’m Vitamin D deficient. For whatever reason, I only absorb a small percentage of the Vitamin D I consume. Ā  It causes many health problems, including a weak immune system. Also, it causes severe migraines, and fibromyalgia symptoms.

I was in and out of the ER really quickly, but the painkillers they gave me knocked me out of commission until Friday evening. It’s better then earlier, but I still feel a little weak.

And suddenly, I’m not so confident. I have one of my health issues flaring up again and interfering with my ability to function for three days brings up a lot of concerns. Am I doing too much? Is this just a one time thing, or sign of an oncoming problem? I’m really worried that I’ll be too ill to be involved on the campus as much, and that is one thing I don’t want to give up.

But I don’t feel like the confident adult that I felt I was at the beginning of the week. Now I’m just a scared little girl who’s scared she’s not going to make it in the real world.


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12 responses to “Illness Can Really Destroy Self-Confidence

  1. I don’t think you’re doing too much. It seems like you’ve been managing things pretty well; I think it just happened to coincidentally flare up at a bad time.

    You’ll be okay. Don’t let it get to you. šŸ™‚

  2. I hope you recover completely, soon. Just be careful! Only you know if you’ve taken on too much, and if so, try to cut back on what least important.

  3. Hope you feel better soon and feeling confident again.

    I wonder if maybe you have seasonal affective disorder (SAD) as well. My sister has this and I think it’s related to Vitamin D production because the treatment is to sit under a sunlight lamp for like half-an-hour a day so the body gets enough light to make Vitamin D. She would get migraines that practically leave her unable to leave her bed several times a week. The light therapy has really worked good for her.

    If so, it could just be that the shortening of daylight and the coming of winter triggered this flare-up.

    • Thanks for pointing that out. I do have SAD, but I never made the connection between that and Vitamin D deficiency. That’s probably why my vitamin D problems are coming back suddenly.

  4. You need to change your mindset; illness is not a debilitating trial that you have to overcome, it’s an excuse to get people to do all sorts of shit for you without having to feel guilty.

  5. Watch this lecture:

    It’s natural to think that cutting things you enjoy out of your life will make you less happy. In the short run it will, but in the long run it won’t, plus you’ll spend less time in the ER.

    A lot of freshman overdo themselves in their first semester. I was the same way. Simplifying my life later in college did wonders for me. Then again, we’re completely different people, so this might be the worst idea you could possible receive.

  6. Ricz

    You will get better and have faith šŸ˜‰ If you hit the floor, then stand up, don’t just lying… and don’t be scared. You know the lyrics: “Don’t worry… be happy.”

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