Sex Advice From an Anime Blogger

(I’m poking fun at Nerve.com’s column where they ask for sex advice from random people…although a lot of people are goofy on the actual site, so mine may not not read all the different. Read the actual column at Nerve.com under Sex Advice from…)

Why date an anime blogger?

We know how to download anything. The kinky Japanese have also given us ideas to try in the bedroom that you’ve never heard of.

 

 

What has being an anime blogger taught you about dating?

Love isn’t like the movies, or anime. I love anime, but it’s very unrealistic for the most part. That’s part of the fun, actually.  Keep your love life and work life separate, i.e. don’t blog with someone you’re in love with unless you’re really committed to each other. Most importantly, no matter how crappy things get dating wise, and there will also be an episode of the anime I’m watching to see next week, life will go on, and things will get better.

How Do I Pick Up an Anime Blogger?

Well, the challenge here is you have to not come off as the typical internet perv/creeper. Honestly, be friends first and foremost, and see if things develop from there. Start off by talking on their blog, then follow them on twitter, and take it super slow. Some anime bloggers are very impersonal, and establishing communication will be impossible. Also, be prepared for a long distance relationship. Anime blogging is a very global hobby…the chances of your crush living near you isn’t almost nix unless you live in Ohio. If you haven’t gotten the idea right now, anime bloggers aren’t who you hit up for one night stands.

My boyfriend tries to video chat with me at work and gets annoyed when I ignore him. I’m not trying to be an asshole, I’m just busy. How can tell him that without offending him?

Tell him you’re not trying to ignore him, you’re just busy blogging. 

Or you know, do the professional thing, don’t get on video chat at work, and explain to him that you’re unavailable at work. Proceed to use the time you’re not spending paying attention to him to blog.

 

My girlfriend tells me that watching online porn is cheating, so I pretended to stop looking. I hate having to lie, but I don’t want to stop. How can I make her stop taking online porn so seriously?

Play Eroge. You’re no longer watching porn, you’re now playing it!

 

 

 

I just found out the girl I’m seeing has a five-year old. It’s the kid’s kindergarten graduation this weekend and I’ve been invited to come. I really like this girl, but I’m scared shitless. Can I politely decline?

Why would you decline? Moe makes everything better!

 

 

 

My new boyfriend recently asked me to share my email password. When I told him I didn’t think it was necessary, he said I either don’t trust him or I’m trying to hide something. It’s neither of those reasons! What should I do? Is it normal for couples to share passwords?

Dude, that stuff is sacred. We all need our private safe spaces, even online. I don’t think my boyfriend knows my blog’s password, and we’ve been dating over a year.

 

 

When I’m single, I indulge in the occasional one-night stand. Recently however, I’ve begun to think that I’m “an easy lay,” and it makes guys uninterested in dating me. Do I need to stop having casual sex in order to find a relationship?

They’re just mad you’re not a virgin–don’t worry about guys like them. They’re closeted otaku that like to destroy all their possessions over strange injustices. They may be posting creepy pictures of destroying everything you ever stared in, but they’d never have left the house to meet you in person in the first place.

 

When my boyfriend gets drunk, he likes to flirt — with other men. But he’s straight the rest of time. What’s going on?

Even when a producer decides what the main couple of a series will be, he’ll throw in teasers for other “ships” (other couples) to make all the fans watching happy, even if their couple doesn’t hook up.

 

 

Last night, my girlfriend of five years suggested that we stop using condoms because it “feels better.” I agreed, but I’m totally freaked that she might get pregnant. I’m also worried that she secretly wants to get pregnant. What should I do?

No need to beat around the bush, or course it feels better! There is no longer a layer of plastic between you and vagina! However, yes, unprotected sex might result in pregnancy. If you’re really desperate to make things “feel better” but want to make sure that there will be no baby, dump the girl and invest in an onacup.

I went out with this girl a few times, and things didn’t click. After our third date, I stopped calling. Since then, she’s been leaving rude posts on my Facebook wall every few weeks. Should I ignore her, or do you think this is a more serious issue?

This issue is easily resolved, Facebook makes removing friends and blocking people extremely easy. If this were WordPress or another blogging site, it might be more challenge.

 

 

I caught my girlfriend watching a guy-on-guy porn. Should I talk to her about this or just pretend that nothing happened?

Talk it out. For all you know, she was surfing Sankaku, and it happened to be there.

 

 

 

My boyfriend loves giving oral sex, but it makes me really self-conscious. Are there ways to chill out or should I just forget about it all together?

Chibi-fi his penis! In your mind, rename it P-chan, give it huge bubbly eyes and a big smile, and pretend it compliments you and cheers you. P-chan wants you to know you’re doing an A+ job. You make make P-chan so happy!

 

I’m dating several girls right now, all pretty casually. Do I have to tell each other them about the others, or can I wait until we have “the talk?”

May I recommend an anime to you…it’s called School Days…


21 Comments

Filed under Pointless Rant

21 responses to “Sex Advice From an Anime Blogger

  1. At first I was like: lolwut?
    Then I was like: ROFLthisisawesome.
    (too lazy to upload a pic and all that xD)
    School Days indeed ^^

  2. Yi

    OMG, this made me spill my milk tea!
    P-chan… I might just start using that to refer to penises.

  3. This kind of made my day…

    Also, recommend playing of Summer/Cross Days while you at it.

  4. LOL. Well I got a bit lost in the middle with relation to animebloggers, but nice twist!

  5. My friend is this really cool guy who has an anime blog. My friend wants to know if being too cool on his blog makes him unapproachable to all the sexy fans he most assuredly has.

    • I think probably the problem here is the spam filter on your friend’s blog is too strong, and that is keeps deleting all the love notes his sexy fans leave.

  6. Awesome post was awesome! I demand another!

    Sadly, my entire family comes to me when they want something downloaded, though in my case it’s normally music files or TV shows.

  7. This isn’t sex advice you dumb broad, most of this is relationship advice. Stop abusing your titles to lure readers.

    • Don’t hate the player, hate the game. 😉

      Most of Nerve’s “Sex Advice” column is relationship advice, and I got all my questions from their column~

      • I lost the game.

        Nevertheless, nice post. Have you seen that post in which they state that watching anime is a ‘turn-off’ to women? Geez, researchers can’t do proper research anymore. Or write proper columns too.

  8. This kinda reminds me of the stuff Impz and tj_han used to post back when anime blogging was still cool.

    Seriously speaking, I’d never take anyone seriously who wanted to date me based on my online persona or worse yet, my blog. I’ve met enough of my colleagues IRL to be certain that in most cases people are vastly different face to face from what they appear online or through their blogs. A person interested in my online persona or me as a blogger is just as misguided as a teenager falling for an anime character.

    • Those were before my time, but I heard they posted some hilarious stuff and have read some of it. They are/were some great writers.

      Seriously, I agree with you. Online, people only see a limited view of a person’s personality. I think anyone interested in my online persona would be incredibly disappointed in me as a person.

  9. Pingback: About Anime Bloggers and Sex | Jinx!

  10. I think this might be the best post you’ve ever written. A++ would read again.

  11. That last bit with School Days is genious 😉

  12. Brilliant post and the School Days part is totally awesome!

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